in my opinion, trying to create balanced cards is a good design challenge. you may not be able to always make balanced cards but it keeps you from making all kinds of really dumb things, otherwise you end up with yugioh. I do love your idea to rename existing keywords to make them better fit the asylum.Question: why do you care about balance these are fan cards made that will never actually see play.
Not saying you can't care about balance just wondering what the point is.
We can't give our thoughts on technical aspects untill we see what you intend to create with your ideas. We can't say X is OP if we don't even know what X is yet.
if you do want to create balanced magic cards i'm gonna have to point out magic is not balanced no card game is there are always things that are power crept by other things so aslong as your not makinbg "this thing automatically wins the game when drawn" it's going to be pretty much down to preferance.
One day your gonna be swearing Niv Mizet is the worst (read powerful) card in the game and the next it's gonna be Kess or Edric.
One final thing I will say is I think you should stick to keywords and creature types established by magic already yes yes it's not as funni as calling Reticue a mold man but we can do that anytime and it will still be as fresh and funny as if it was printed on a card.
Flash for "baitposts" Trample for our Architects Goad/Menace (Trolls) Reach (Rrats) Scry (journos) ect. Someone more familiar then me with all the uncommon keywords can help further.