"After the unfortunate demise of John Allen Chau on the 17th of November 2018, the sentinelese would see no further contact with the outside world for little over 10 years.
The next and last person to make contact with the island's inhabitants would be another US citizen, in February 6th of 2029, at the age of 28, convicted felon and infamous internet personality Nolan Schlamersdorf would arrive in the island with a falsified Indian passport, having paid two fishermen in Port Blair to secretly deliver him in the dead of night. They were almost caught by state coastguards, who frequently enforce the indian sovereignty of and exclusion zone around the islands.
Mr. Schlamersdorf would arrive at 3:45 am, IST (GMT+5:30), and would make the hike around the western coral reefs that prevent boats from directly reaching the island. According to official reports from indian authorities and a journal left on the island, Mr. Schlamersdorf encountered members of the sentinelese at the early hours of the morning, possibly around 5:40 to 6:30 am, on which he would inflict a terrible torture. All 300-odd inhabitants of the island where found to have been repeatedly beaten, sexually assaulted and then either killed on the spot or died from internal bleeding.
It is yet unknown how Mr. Schlamersdorf was able to subdue hundreds of armed sentinelese in the span of 5 odd hours but the only thing known is that at around noon that same day, Mr. Schlamersdorf would once again approach the island's western coast, and according to the two fisherman witnesses, which had been payed 4,570,000 Indian rupee (about 55.000 US dollars) each to stay off the shore of island and wait for his return, Mr. Schlamersdorf emerged for the island, completely naked and covered in blood, upon which he began maniacally shouting at the top of his lungs, which the fishermen described as something which sounded like "ALMO". After shouting several times Mr. Schlamersdorf reportedly held up a revolver he had concealed in his belongings and took his own life.
The US public has been horrified by this latest turn of events, with the indian government requesting direct accountability from the white house this thursday. Several acquaintances of Mr. Schlamersdorf came forward to give their testimonies; "It's not his fault" wrote prominent transexual Threads user ,Stacie "Myheartgoestoyou" Richards, "He was always an ally to the cause and it's those damn neo-nazi vtuber fans who drove him into it, you people need to go harass them instead". However others have criticised Mr. Schlamersdorf, claiming he deserves accountability for his actions, it is sadly true that Mr. Schlamersdorf maintained a heavy online presence and was involved in several online platforms, for which he amassed a large following of cyber-harassers, many of which are known users of "The Kiwifarms" an online forum mainly inhabited by online terrorists and cyber criminals."
I could be a fucking journo, HIRE ME NEW YORK TIMES.