The Nolan Crush Memorial Post Dump and Lolcow Thread

[tgmslc]

Jesus, there's just always so much to unpack with this idiot.

Nolan:
You have no idea why I was banned, yet you seem to be certain it was fair. What a disgusting arrogance you have.

It feels like you think people should submit to authority without question.

Mod:
Uh... I know.
You're the one I banned.

View attachment 80095
DeepL translation:
I didn't recognize you. Also, your opinion is useless here because you will obviously say it's fair and you're biased.

Guy who doesn't speak Chinese & has to use DeepL to rant in Chinkcord: "I don't recognize you."
Fucking lmao

I, on the other hand, talk to third-party outsiders, like my friends, so I'm able to get an objective viewpoint.

Oh shit! Nolan & his imaginary pony wives are gonna logic the shit outta you, random Chinese mod!

Also, Nolan Finding Job arc finally begin! However, he is facing a biggest challenges, that he could not solve it!
View attachment 80096
DeepL translation:

The good news is that I just sent in ten different job applications. I'll probably do more at some point, but I'll at least take a break for a while.

Take a break for a little while... fucking loser's got so little stamina that sending out 10 job applications has him needing to take a lengthy break. If just sending out 10 apps is enough to tire you out for over a week, you probably don't have the discipline or desperation to actually work a 40 hour a week job.

 

[Aquatic Novellite]

Never thought about how it must feel to sit outside of the retirement home where you assaulted an elder, waiting for mom and dad to come pick you up because said assault got you fired.

If you wonder how Nolan felt, that's easy: "That self righteous egomaniacal hypocritical great grandmother of eighty two years deserved it! I can't wait for mom to tell her off! And mom will tell my super arrogant and egomaniacal boss who has no clue what's what, too! That awful great grandmother is going to get fired from her retirement home and I'll get my job back and mom's boss will apologize to me and give me a bonus so I'll keep working here! But I'll refuse at first so he doubles my bonus! Hell yeah, this is what being Rainbow Dash feels like!"

 

[Clown Penis]

Also, Nolan Finding Job arc finally begin! However, he is facing a biggest challenges, that he could not solve it!
View attachment 80096
DeepL translation:

The good news is that I just sent in ten different job applications. I'll probably do more at some point, but I'll at least take a break for a while.

I need to get a driver's license. My options are very limited because my parents have to drive me and many jobs require a license.

In short:
>Be Nolan
>Love to LMAO 24/7 at Live stream and discord
>Picking fight with different people in social media 24/7, always ended up being banned
>Fight and beat the crap out of his family. Venting across various platform.
>Thinking sending 10 job applications is a hard job, need to take a break
>All those years do not get a driving license

Nolan, you fucking retarded, I can tell you that the jobs you applied are mostly occupied by the illegals that you loved the most. Get fucked
All those years and you don't even bother to get a driving license, you are just piece of shit. Even Chris-chan could drive!

I can guaranteed that he won't get a job

Given Nolan's developmental shortcomings, lack of hygiene, mental illness, and blatant lack of knowledge/skills/any meaningful education, he's probably at most qualified to be a low-level janny.

Unfortunately I can see him assaulting customers/patients/staff if they walk through an area he cleaned (poorly). Or if they interrupt him listening/watching a stream on the job.

 

[Latte'Ninba]

Given Nolan's developmental shortcomings, lack of hygiene, mental illness, and blatant lack of knowledge/skills/any meaningful education, he's probably at most qualified to be a low-level janny.

Unfortunately I can see him assaulting customers/patients/staff if they walk through an area he cleaned (poorly). Or if they interrupt him listening/watching a stream on the job.

Up until he runs out of some cleaning chemical, then either-
A: Assumes he can use literally anything else he has in the closet and fucks up some furniture or tile/flooring
B: "Oh I know, I can just mix some shit together. Surely some combination will work about the same!"
Although I do like to imagine the concept of him angrily tard stomping toward someone for walking on the cleanly wet floor before slipping on it.

"Welcome back Nolan, how's the working life?"
"It sucth dad, I had to mop a floor that's used constantly and almost had to beat up an old man whose cane was leaving muddy marks on it. On top of that I had to unclog a toilet! The plunger didn't work so I had to do it by hand, and I could only do it one handed because I needed to watch my phone with the other. Thankfully I only got a little shit on it but I used our dogs diaper to clean it when I got back."
"Uh... Well thankfully those jobs usually provide those super long gloves that go up most of your arm for that kind of issue."
"... Gloves?"

Anyway nice to see Nolan continues his 1-212 match up vs jannies. Bitch slapped Nolan's still probably the best one. Tard raging into instant janny counter is my favorite EVO moment. It's like he vaguely almost has a flash of insight to comprehend why this exact situation plays out the same way before he holds his face and cries how they slapped him after he was an aggressive ass about any comment that wasn't ass patting.
Also am I crazy or has his last ass patter been mia? Unless their exchanges are so dull they aren't worth covering.

 

[Koronesuki]

"Oh I know, I can just mix some shit together. Surely some combination will work about the same!"

He's going to mix ammonia and bleach and gas himself, isn't he?

 

[Zizara]

He's going to mix ammonia and bleach and gas himself, isn't he?

Nolan fucking up low-level jobs is some morbid humour. Chlorine bombing an unsuspecting office is one thing, what else? Assuming he gets a driving license he might do some delivery work, but you know he's either just not going to deliver stuff or will be pulled over for doing 100 in a 30 within a month because he had to catch a stream.

 

[Clown Penis]

Nolan fucking up low-level jobs is some morbid humour. Chlorine bombing an unsuspecting office is one thing, what else? Assuming he gets a driving license he might do some delivery work, but you know he's either just not going to deliver stuff or will be pulled over for doing 100 in a 30 within a month because he had to catch a stream.

I'd imagine him failing to deliver shit, destruction of property, and physical altercations are more likely.

Or just doing lame shit like accruing too many points by being late or doing no-call/no-show.

 

[God's Strongest Dragoon]

Given Nolan's developmental shortcomings, lack of hygiene, mental illness, and blatant lack of knowledge/skills/any meaningful education, he's probably at most qualified to be a low-level janny.

Bro, he was a dishwasher and he was fucking that up CONSTANTLY. I would say he's better off being one of those retards at a grocery store that bags groceries but knowing Nolan, he'd end up throwing a shit fit when he goes to slow, would try to watch streams instead of bagging, maybe even sucker punch someone.

He's going to mix ammonia and bleach and gas himself, isn't he?

It is a good thing he got a job as a dishwasher and not a janitor because he might have ended up chlorine bombing a retirement home.

 

[reinigen]

Bro, he was a dishwasher and he was fucking that up CONSTANTLY. I would say he's better off being one of those retards at a grocery store that bags groceries but knowing Nolan, he'd end up throwing a shit fit when he goes to slow, would try to watch streams instead of bagging, maybe even sucker punch someone.

I wouldn't trust Nolan to push carts and that's basically the most retarded chimp work you can do at a grocery store.

 

[Faceless Waifu]

Not sure if this considered as late since I just noticed it, but after all the talk about "nolan you better get ur shit together or else spacebattles will ban yo ass", he seemingly has left Spacebattles.


Considering that he was thread-banned after that 3 days of site-wide ban, it pretty much means that he would have to wait till the thread is over and a new one is made, and he still have around 1,5k pages to go before he can appear back in a new vtuber thread there. (first one was 2000 pages, and the 2nd one which he interacted and got banned are at 529 page)

guess we back to discords now.

 

[niggaphil]

I wouldn't trust Nolan to push carts and that's basically the most retarded chimp work you can do at a grocery store.

Imagine Nolan is a Target cart pusher retard, and he crash the Karens and weak old ladies with his multi-stacked carts because they interrupt him watching live stream.

 

[Nenélove]

Imagine Nolan is a Target cart pusher retard, and he crash the Karens and weak old ladies with his multi-stacked carts because they interrupt him watching live stream.

Bro gets retard gorilla strength and lifts up entire carts to chuck them at people like he's a black woman at a family gathering.

Also @reinigen remove the test. in the writeup link in the thread OP, it leads to a dead page atm instead of jambalaya's post.

 

[tgmslc]

Nolan fucking up low-level jobs is some morbid humour. Chlorine bombing an unsuspecting office is one thing, what else? Assuming he gets a driving license he might do some delivery work, but you know he's either just not going to deliver stuff or will be pulled over for doing 100 in a 30 within a month because he had to catch a stream.

Oh my god, if he starts complaining about getting low-level jobs he gets instantly fired from for being incompetent or stupid, we'll probably be able to start a tally of how many jobs he's lost.

 

[RestlessRain]

Oh my god, if he starts complaining about getting low-level jobs he gets instantly fired from for being incompetent or stupid, we'll probably be able to start a tally of how many jobs he's lost.

I know that some places offer subsidies to businesses for hiring retards but they couldn't pay enough money for someone to deal with Nolan's retarded shit.

 

[Aquatic Novellite]

Oh my god, if he starts complaining about getting low-level jobs he gets instantly fired from for being incompetent or stupid, we'll probably be able to start a tally of how many jobs he's lost.

I imagine it'd go like Rainfurrest. People talk, businesses talk, and jobs that Nolan might quality for aren't exactly the kind that you travel for very far.

I'd be very surprised if he isn't already blacklisted in his local town, and people talk about his parents behind their backs, either with pity or disgust.