"In my defense, I regret nothing. And nobody can control me because I am uncontrollable. I cannot be managed"Noir Vesper

The Nolan Crush Memorial Post Dump and Lolcow Thread

Fauna's Deadest Sapling

Well-known member
Joined:  Jan 26, 2024
Jesus, there's just always so much to unpack with this idiot.
Nolan:
You have no idea why I was banned, yet you seem to be certain it was fair. What a disgusting arrogance you have.

It feels like you think people should submit to authority without question.

Mod:
Uh... I know.
You're the one I banned.

View attachment 80095
DeepL translation:
I didn't recognize you. Also, your opinion is useless here because you will obviously say it's fair and you're biased.
Guy who doesn't speak Chinese & has to use DeepL to rant in Chinkcord: "I don't recognize you."
Fucking lmao
:SelenHAHAhere:

I, on the other hand, talk to third-party outsiders, like my friends, so I'm able to get an objective viewpoint.
Oh shit! Nolan & his imaginary pony wives are gonna logic the shit outta you, random Chinese mod!

Also, Nolan Finding Job arc finally begin! However, he is facing a biggest challenges, that he could not solve it!
View attachment 80096
DeepL translation:

The good news is that I just sent in ten different job applications. I'll probably do more at some point, but I'll at least take a break for a while.
Take a break for a little while... fucking loser's got so little stamina that sending out 10 job applications has him needing to take a lengthy break. If just sending out 10 apps is enough to tire you out for over a week, you probably don't have the discipline or desperation to actually work a 40 hour a week job.
 

Aquatic Novellite

Merry Shiorin
Early Adopter
Joined:  Oct 10, 2022
Never thought about how it must feel to sit outside of the retirement home where you assaulted an elder, waiting for mom and dad to come pick you up because said assault got you fired.
If you wonder how Nolan felt, that's easy: "That self righteous egomaniacal hypocritical great grandmother of eighty two years deserved it! I can't wait for mom to tell her off! And mom will tell my super arrogant and egomaniacal boss who has no clue what's what, too! That awful great grandmother is going to get fired from her retirement home and I'll get my job back and mom's boss will apologize to me and give me a bonus so I'll keep working here! But I'll refuse at first so he doubles my bonus! Hell yeah, this is what being Rainbow Dash feels like!"
 

Clown Penis

Dizzy "Elf Pride Worldwide" Dokuro
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 13, 2022
Also, Nolan Finding Job arc finally begin! However, he is facing a biggest challenges, that he could not solve it!
View attachment 80096
DeepL translation:

The good news is that I just sent in ten different job applications. I'll probably do more at some point, but I'll at least take a break for a while.

I need to get a driver's license. My options are very limited because my parents have to drive me and many jobs require a license.

In short:
>Be Nolan
>Love to LMAO 24/7 at Live stream and discord
>Picking fight with different people in social media 24/7, always ended up being banned
>Fight and beat the crap out of his family. Venting across various platform.
>Thinking sending 10 job applications is a hard job, need to take a break
>All those years do not get a driving license


Nolan, you fucking retarded, I can tell you that the jobs you applied are mostly occupied by the illegals that you loved the most. Get fucked
All those years and you don't even bother to get a driving license, you are just piece of shit. Even Chris-chan could drive!

I can guaranteed that he won't get a job
Given Nolan's developmental shortcomings, lack of hygiene, mental illness, and blatant lack of knowledge/skills/any meaningful education, he's probably at most qualified to be a low-level janny.

Unfortunately I can see him assaulting customers/patients/staff if they walk through an area he cleaned (poorly). Or if they interrupt him listening/watching a stream on the job.
 

Latte'Ninba

May we never go to Hell but always be on our way
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 9, 2022
Given Nolan's developmental shortcomings, lack of hygiene, mental illness, and blatant lack of knowledge/skills/any meaningful education, he's probably at most qualified to be a low-level janny.

Unfortunately I can see him assaulting customers/patients/staff if they walk through an area he cleaned (poorly). Or if they interrupt him listening/watching a stream on the job.
Up until he runs out of some cleaning chemical, then either-
A: Assumes he can use literally anything else he has in the closet and fucks up some furniture or tile/flooring
B: "Oh I know, I can just mix some shit together. Surely some combination will work about the same!"
Although I do like to imagine the concept of him angrily tard stomping toward someone for walking on the cleanly wet floor before slipping on it.

"Welcome back Nolan, how's the working life?"
"It sucth dad, I had to mop a floor that's used constantly and almost had to beat up an old man whose cane was leaving muddy marks on it. On top of that I had to unclog a toilet! The plunger didn't work so I had to do it by hand, and I could only do it one handed because I needed to watch my phone with the other. Thankfully I only got a little shit on it but I used our dogs diaper to clean it when I got back."
"Uh... Well thankfully those jobs usually provide those super long gloves that go up most of your arm for that kind of issue."
"... Gloves?"

Anyway nice to see Nolan continues his 1-212 match up vs jannies. Bitch slapped Nolan's still probably the best one. Tard raging into instant janny counter is my favorite EVO moment. It's like he vaguely almost has a flash of insight to comprehend why this exact situation plays out the same way before he holds his face and cries how they slapped him after he was an aggressive ass about any comment that wasn't ass patting.
Also am I crazy or has his last ass patter been mia? Unless their exchanges are so dull they aren't worth covering.
 

Koronesuki

X-Potato
Joined:  Oct 1, 2023
"Oh I know, I can just mix some shit together. Surely some combination will work about the same!"
He's going to mix ammonia and bleach and gas himself, isn't he?
 

Zizara

No faith in Humanity
Dizzy's Wife
Joined:  Oct 30, 2022
He's going to mix ammonia and bleach and gas himself, isn't he?
Nolan fucking up low-level jobs is some morbid humour. Chlorine bombing an unsuspecting office is one thing, what else? Assuming he gets a driving license he might do some delivery work, but you know he's either just not going to deliver stuff or will be pulled over for doing 100 in a 30 within a month because he had to catch a stream. :SelenHAHAhere:
 

Clown Penis

Dizzy "Elf Pride Worldwide" Dokuro
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 13, 2022
Nolan fucking up low-level jobs is some morbid humour. Chlorine bombing an unsuspecting office is one thing, what else? Assuming he gets a driving license he might do some delivery work, but you know he's either just not going to deliver stuff or will be pulled over for doing 100 in a 30 within a month because he had to catch a stream. :SelenHAHAhere:
I'd imagine him failing to deliver shit, destruction of property, and physical altercations are more likely.

Or just doing lame shit like accruing too many points by being late or doing no-call/no-show.
 

God's Strongest Dragoon

Well-known member
Joined:  Mar 20, 2023
Given Nolan's developmental shortcomings, lack of hygiene, mental illness, and blatant lack of knowledge/skills/any meaningful education, he's probably at most qualified to be a low-level janny.
Bro, he was a dishwasher and he was fucking that up CONSTANTLY. I would say he's better off being one of those retards at a grocery store that bags groceries but knowing Nolan, he'd end up throwing a shit fit when he goes to slow, would try to watch streams instead of bagging, maybe even sucker punch someone.
He's going to mix ammonia and bleach and gas himself, isn't he?
It is a good thing he got a job as a dishwasher and not a janitor because he might have ended up chlorine bombing a retirement home.
 

reinigen

Dang it
Ward Security
Joined:  Sep 16, 2022
Bro, he was a dishwasher and he was fucking that up CONSTANTLY. I would say he's better off being one of those retards at a grocery store that bags groceries but knowing Nolan, he'd end up throwing a shit fit when he goes to slow, would try to watch streams instead of bagging, maybe even sucker punch someone.
I wouldn't trust Nolan to push carts and that's basically the most retarded chimp work you can do at a grocery store.
 

Faceless Waifu

prompt: sister cleaire, event horizon, no eyes
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 9, 2022
Not sure if this considered as late since I just noticed it, but after all the talk about "nolan you better get ur shit together or else spacebattles will ban yo ass", he seemingly has left Spacebattles.
1728275544970.png

Considering that he was thread-banned after that 3 days of site-wide ban, it pretty much means that he would have to wait till the thread is over and a new one is made, and he still have around 1,5k pages to go before he can appear back in a new vtuber thread there. (first one was 2000 pages, and the 2nd one which he interacted and got banned are at 529 page)

guess we back to discords now.
 

niggaphil

Well-known member
Joined:  Oct 23, 2022
I wouldn't trust Nolan to push carts and that's basically the most retarded chimp work you can do at a grocery store.
Imagine Nolan is a Target cart pusher retard, and he crash the Karens and weak old ladies with his multi-stacked carts because they interrupt him watching live stream. :dokiSmugNew:
 

NeneHATE

I am coming for you
Early Adopter
Nene's Pet Latinx
Latinx/Latine
Joined:  Sep 16, 2022
Imagine Nolan is a Target cart pusher retard, and he crash the Karens and weak old ladies with his multi-stacked carts because they interrupt him watching live stream. :dokiSmugNew:
Bro gets retard gorilla strength and lifts up entire carts to chuck them at people like he's a black woman at a family gathering.

Also @reinigen remove the test. in the writeup link in the thread OP, it leads to a dead page atm instead of jambalaya's post.
 
Last edited:

Fauna's Deadest Sapling

Well-known member
Joined:  Jan 26, 2024
Nolan fucking up low-level jobs is some morbid humour. Chlorine bombing an unsuspecting office is one thing, what else? Assuming he gets a driving license he might do some delivery work, but you know he's either just not going to deliver stuff or will be pulled over for doing 100 in a 30 within a month because he had to catch a stream. :SelenHAHAhere:
Oh my god, if he starts complaining about getting low-level jobs he gets instantly fired from for being incompetent or stupid, we'll probably be able to start a tally of how many jobs he's lost.
 

RestlessRain

Well-known member
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 21, 2022
Oh my god, if he starts complaining about getting low-level jobs he gets instantly fired from for being incompetent or stupid, we'll probably be able to start a tally of how many jobs he's lost.
I know that some places offer subsidies to businesses for hiring retards but they couldn't pay enough money for someone to deal with Nolan's retarded shit.
 

Aquatic Novellite

Merry Shiorin
Early Adopter
Joined:  Oct 10, 2022
Oh my god, if he starts complaining about getting low-level jobs he gets instantly fired from for being incompetent or stupid, we'll probably be able to start a tally of how many jobs he's lost.
I imagine it'd go like Rainfurrest. People talk, businesses talk, and jobs that Nolan might quality for aren't exactly the kind that you travel for very far.

I'd be very surprised if he isn't already blacklisted in his local town, and people talk about his parents behind their backs, either with pity or disgust.
 

Sky Shouter

Stupid by birth, manhera by the grace of God
Joined:  Sep 15, 2022
Nolan fucking up low-level jobs is some morbid humour. Chlorine bombing an unsuspecting office is one thing, what else? Assuming he gets a driving license he might do some delivery work, but you know he's either just not going to deliver stuff or will be pulled over for doing 100 in a 30 within a month because he had to catch a stream. :SelenHAHAhere:
As someone who does hiring, I'm genuinely struggling to come up with a job in ANY industry that Nolan could do with the slightest bit of satisfaction. It isn't even his utter lack of skills or work ethic that are problematic to me, it's his incredibly confrontational attitude towards authority and propensity for violent raging that make him unhireable.

Construction: Most construction companies have two standards: You can lift at least 50 pounds, and you don't do drugs. I doubt Nolan has so much as taken a sip of alcohol, but construction sites feature bossy foremen and I bet Nolan would last about an hour with a foreman before he gets ejected for tard raging.

Warehousing: Amazon last-mile distribution warehouses will hire anyone who's willing to work the graveyard shift. They even reserve simple jobs like sorting boxes between different conveyors for people with disabilities; the last time I went to one I saw people in wheelchairs and people with clear signs of Down Syndrome doing this job. Somehow, Nolan will find a way to fuck this up by getting impatient, sorting boxes wrong, and then yelling at his supervisor when he gets called out for it.

Cleaning: Nolan logic says that bleach = clean, and ammonia = clean, therefore bleach + ammonia = 2x clean. 'Nuff said.

Non-profit data entry work: Give Nolan access to a computer and he will watch vtuber streams instead of doing his job. Confront him about this and he will start throwing shit and shouting about how he's being unfairly prosecuted because he caught a coworker watching a stream once at 5PM on a Friday.

Tech support: Have you ever heard Nolan speak? Now imagine him interacting with customers calling about a problem, and Nolan will make his bad attitude and unintelligible autist voice their problem.

Trash disposal: Garbagemen have to pick up heavy containers, which I doubt Nolan could do. All of the garbagemen I see where I live are in great shape, which makes sense because they tend to be paid very well.

Food preparation: We've already seen how he fares in food preparation, and it'd be better for the public he never touch another person's food lest the kitchen get slapped with a health department consumer advisory.

Sign-holder for road work crews: Can you imagine Nolan standing still for hours at a time where there are streams to watch and livepost on Discord about? And when his supervisor yells at him for failing to rotate the "STOP/SLOW" sign he's holding for 5 minutes because he was distracted, therefore causing a miles-long traffic jam in BOTH directions, he freaks out and gets fired on the spot.

Basically, Nolan cannot work with others, he cannot be trusted to do good work, and he cannot be corrected because he takes everything personally and reacts violently to all criticism. He's the very model of a bad employee, and one I and any other half-way competent hiring manager would screen out in seconds.

He's shockingly similar to Acerthorn: a profoundly dysfunctional excuse for a human being who is only able to exist due to the charity of others (Nolan's parents in his case, the welfare system in Acerthorn's case). :nolanNormal:
 

Punished Anime Discusser

Well-known member
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 12, 2022
As someone who does hiring, I'm genuinely struggling to come up with a job in ANY industry that Nolan could do with the slightest bit of satisfaction. It isn't even his utter lack of skills or work ethic that are problematic to me, it's his incredibly confrontational attitude towards authority and propensity for violent raging that make him unhireable.

Construction: Most construction companies have two standards: You can lift at least 50 pounds, and you don't do drugs. I doubt Nolan has so much as taken a sip of alcohol, but construction sites feature bossy foremen and I bet Nolan would last about an hour with a foreman before he gets ejected for tard raging.

Warehousing: Amazon last-mile distribution warehouses will hire anyone who's willing to work the graveyard shift. They even reserve simple jobs like sorting boxes between different conveyors for people with disabilities; the last time I went to one I saw people in wheelchairs and people with clear signs of Down Syndrome doing this job. Somehow, Nolan will find a way to fuck this up by getting impatient, sorting boxes wrong, and then yelling at his supervisor when he gets called out for it.

Cleaning: Nolan logic says that bleach = clean, and ammonia = clean, therefore bleach + ammonia = 2x clean. 'Nuff said.

Non-profit data entry work: Give Nolan access to a computer and he will watch vtuber streams instead of doing his job. Confront him about this and he will start throwing shit and shouting about how he's being unfairly prosecuted because he caught a coworker watching a stream once at 5PM on a Friday.

Tech support: Have you ever heard Nolan speak? Now imagine him interacting with customers calling about a problem, and Nolan will make his bad attitude and unintelligible autist voice their problem.

Trash disposal: Garbagemen have to pick up heavy containers, which I doubt Nolan could do. All of the garbagemen I see where I live are in great shape, which makes sense because they tend to be paid very well.

Food preparation: We've already seen how he fares in food preparation, and it'd be better for the public he never touch another person's food lest the kitchen get slapped with a health department consumer advisory.

Sign-holder for road work crews: Can you imagine Nolan standing still for hours at a time where there are streams to watch and livepost on Discord about? And when his supervisor yells at him for failing to rotate the "STOP/SLOW" sign he's holding for 5 minutes because he was distracted, therefore causing a miles-long traffic jam in BOTH directions, he freaks out and gets fired on the spot.

Basically, Nolan cannot work with others, he cannot be trusted to do good work, and he cannot be corrected because he takes everything personally and reacts violently to all criticism. He's the very model of a bad employee, and one I and any other half-way competent hiring manager would screen out in seconds.

He's shockingly similar to Acerthorn: a profoundly dysfunctional excuse for a human being who is only able to exist due to the charity of others (Nolan's parents in his case, the welfare system in Acerthorn's case). :nolanNormal:
He's retarded, slow, inefficient, has horrible work ethic, is confrontational, petty, and perpetually mad at the world. A perfect person to work as a clerk at a government agency (You) specifically need to go through to get some documents. Get on it, chief.
 
Last edited:

Clown Penis

Dizzy "Elf Pride Worldwide" Dokuro
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 13, 2022
He's retarded, slow, inefficient, has horrible work ethic, is confrontational, petty, and perpetually mad at the world. A perfect person to work as a clerk at a government agency (You) specifically need to go through to get some documents. Get on it, chief.
The only thing preventing him from a position in another shitlib administration or DEI hiring is that he's White (suspiciously Jewish features aside).

Remember this freak?

Or this one?
 

RestlessRain

Well-known member
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 21, 2022
The only thing preventing him from a position in another shitlib administration or DEI hiring is that he's White (suspiciously Jewish features aside).

Remember this freak?

Or this one?
Troons are a protected species under DEI. Even if they are white.

I always thought it was more likely than the average person that Nolan would troon out, given his mental disabilities, attention-seeking behaviour, and how much he loves attacking women.
 

Topo Chico

Well-known member
Joined:  Apr 1, 2023
Nolan needs to become an Uber driver. Imagine the road rage, small talk, and thrilling experience of having the King take you to your destination!
 
Top Bottom