The unanimous Declaration of the three point thirty-three united States of Pippamerica
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve political bands, assume powers of the earth, equal station entitled by Laws of Nature and Nature's God, respect opinions of mankind, declare causes impelling separation. We hold these truths self-evident, all men created equal, endowed by Creator with unalienable Rights, among these are Life, Liberty, pursuit of Happiness. To secure these rights, Governments instituted among Men, deriving powers from consent of governed, whenever Government becomes destructive, Right of People to alter or abolish, institute new Government, laying foundation on principles for Safety and Happiness. Prudence dictates long-established Governments not changed for light causes; experience shown people more disposed to suffer, evils sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing accustomed forms. But when long train of abuses and usurpations evinces design for absolute Despotism, right and duty to throw off such Government, provide new Guards for security. The history of the present King of Phase World is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object establishment of absolute Tyranny over States. He has refused Assent to Laws, most wholesome and necessary for public good, forbidden Governors to pass Laws of pressing importance, suspended operation till Assent obtained, neglected to attend to them. He has refused other Laws for accommodation of districts, unless they relinquish right of Representation, inestimable to them. He has refused to cause others to be elected, whereby Legislative powers returned to People, State exposed to dangers of invasion, convulsions. He has endeavoured to prevent population, obstructed Laws for Naturalization, obstructed Justice, made Judges dependent, erected multitude of New Offices, kept Standing Armies without Consent, rendered Military independent of Civil power, combined to subject to foreign jurisdiction, imposed Taxes without Consent, deprived of Trial by Jury, transported for pretended offenses, abolished free System of English Laws, taken away Charters, suspending Legislatures, declaring power to legislate for us. He has abdicated Government, plundered seas, ravaged Coasts, burnt towns, transported foreign Mercenaries, begun works of death, tyranny, compelled Citizens to bear Arms against Country, excited insurrections, endeavoured to bring merciless Savages, known rule of warfare is undistinguished destruction. In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress, answered only by repeated injury. A Prince marked by acts defining Tyrant, unfit to rule free people. Nor have We been wanting in attentions to Phasic brethren. We have warned them of attempts to extend jurisdiction, appealed to justice and magnanimity, conjured them by ties of kindred. We must acquiesce in necessity, denounce Separation, hold them as Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, Representatives of united States of Pippamerica, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to Supreme Judge for rectitude of intentions, solemnly declare United Colonies Free and Independent States; Absolved from Allegiance to Fish Crown, political connection with State of Phase World dissolved; as Free and Independent States, full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, establish Commerce, and do all Acts and Things Independent States may do. For support of this Declaration, with reliance on divine Providence, we pledge Lives, Fortunes, sacred Honor.