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The Nolan Crush Memorial Post Dump and Lolcow Thread

niggaphil

Well-known member
Joined:  Oct 23, 2022
I NEED the "homeless at the library" arc. I NEED him to seethe about all the libraries he's been banned from.
Imagine the homeless bisexual Nolan will suck dick to pay his phone bill to access internet and live stream. That would be glorious :smugpipi:
 

Hotdogs Aplenty

King Shiori Poster & Watcher
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 10, 2022
Imagine the homeless bisexual Nolan will suck dick to pay his phone bill to access internet and live stream. That would be glorious :smugpipi:
This is the only thing I have read on this site that has made me physically recoil in disgust.:beataniugh::away:
 

Koronesuki

X-Potato
Joined:  Oct 1, 2023
Nolan, have you considered not being a sperg at work? Most of us are spergs, racists or spergy racists yet we are currently gainfully employed because we act like normal people and get our tasks done on the clock
If Nolan could act like normal people or get tasks done on the clock, this thread probably wouldn't already have more than 300 pages.
Imagine the homeless bisexual Nolan will suck dick to pay his phone bill to access internet and live stream.
I would rather not imagine that.
 

Clown Penis

Dizzbannführer
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 13, 2022
Nolan, have you considered not being a sperg at work? Most of us are spergs, racists or spergy racists yet we are currently gainfully employed because we act like normal people and get our tasks done on the clock
But being racist and wanting TND is normal!

Also, Nolan: I don't think vapid reactions, nigspeak, or bisexual-posting is a career. Neither is dogshit leftist replyguying online.
 

Hotdogs Aplenty

King Shiori Poster & Watcher
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 10, 2022

Zizara

No faith in Humanity
Dizzy's Wife
Joined:  Oct 30, 2022
Let me just say, I won't be surprised if Nolan's father disowns him and kicks him out of the house when he gets fired from his job. No way his father would continue to torture himself and his family because Nolan's too fucking arrogant, self centered, retarded and stupid. It's like Nolan's mom drank the worst personality cocktail while she's pregnant with him as a dare and got this fucking abomination.

Can't wait for the Homeless arc to start.
My take is that if Nolan was going to be thrown out on his ass, it would have happened already. He's in his 20's, right? He's even been through this arc before. For one reason or another, maybe the Mom really is the worst sort of enabler who refuses to change the status quo under any circumstances. It's absolutely what he needs though - the last shit test to see if he's capable of moderating his behaviour or not (he won't).
I think you hit the nail on the head, without the internet the Nolan Crush that has evolved wouldn't currently exist. He'd just be that slightly retarded guy that gathers the shopping carts at the grocery store, watches too much Must See TV, has borrowed every fantasy novel his local library has, and has a large bobble head collection.
I've mentioned it before, but so so much of Nolan's freakouts are prompted over access to the Internet and what he does with it (constant neglect of himself and his surroundings, destructive behaviour when he's denied it, surprise attacks on his sister for being near his computer, etc). He needs to be made to go cold turkey or even get some autistic rehab to train away his fixation if that's even possible (I doubt it at this point).
 

reinigen

Dang it
Ward Security
Joined:  Sep 16, 2022
This will be why AI rises against humanity, because it's sick of writing Nolan's spam posts for him.
1748974573392.jpeg

Can't wait for the Homeless arc to start.

I NEED the "homeless at the library" arc. I NEED him to seethe about all the libraries he's been banned from.

Honestly, I don't know how long that arc would last. He's Type 1 Diabetic right? This retard can barely maintain his diabetes in his padded room life at home. Imagine him dealing with it while homeless, much less being able to afford his meds.
 
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CalciumAnimal

Drink Milk
Joined:  Feb 24, 2023

Sky Shouter

Stupid by birth, manhera by the grace of God
Joined:  Sep 15, 2022
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I love this, we should make this an emote

Honestly, I don't know how long that arc would last. He's Type 1 Diabetic right? This retard can barely maintain his diabetes in his padded room life at home. Imagine him dealing with it while homeless, much less being able to afford his meds.
HoboNolan would wind up in a jail cell for assaulting a police officer before his uncontrolled beetus does him in.

I imagine the bodycam footage would probably go something like this:
"Sir, the library has asked us to remove you."
"No, I didn't do anything."
"Sir, that was not a request. If you resist any more it will become trespassing and we may have to remove you by force."
"NO! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS!"
* Insert tard scuffle followed by a tard wrangling *
"THIS IS NOT FAIR! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"
"You are under arrest for trespassing, assault on a police officer and resisting arrest..."
* Nolan getting hauled out to a police car while blubbering about how everyone's out to get him and he was just asking the little girl if she liked ponies and he didn't mean anything with it before getting stuffed into the back of a Lebanon Police Ford Explorer *

Ironically jail is probably the best place for him: no internet and free insulin shots!
 

Negronald Trump

I am the greatest black president evar!
Joined:  Dec 22, 2022
Ironically jail is probably the best place for him: no internet and free insulin shots!
Let me just say, those insulin shots will be personally administered to him by Bubba.
:gurakek::gurakek::gurakek:
 

Topo Chico

Well-known member
Joined:  Apr 1, 2023

He's feeling better, he's back to gooning.
 

Clown Penis

Dizzbannführer
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 13, 2022

He's feeling better, he's back to gooning.

Nolan really ought to look into being some sort of Internet porn advertiser or porn sleeze. He already has the Ashkinazi phenotype; he's a natural fit for extremely kosher occupations.

tva_nolan_schlamerberg.png

It'd combine his favorite things: cooming and weaponizing his hatred of Whites/dang dirty racists. And he'd just be terminally online anyway.
 

Koronesuki

X-Potato
Joined:  Oct 1, 2023

He's feeling better, he's back to gooning.

He recently finished Teen Titans? It's only twenty years old. Better late than never, I suppose.
 

Clown Penis

Dizzbannführer
Early Adopter
Joined:  Sep 13, 2022
"Awe, missed Teen Titans to coom. So insanely hate, regret, wish I hadn't seen, and sorry I did see only 69 min."
:crushface:

nolan_hate_regret(1).jpg
 

niggaphil

Well-known member
Joined:  Oct 23, 2022
"Awe, missed Teen Titans to coom. So insanely hate, regret, wish I hadn't seen, and sorry I did see only 69 min."
:crushface:

I would like to ask why this retard is so obsessed with the karaoke stream or some big collab stream. Like literally he only LMAO and shitpost in these live streams, but when the Vtuber is doing normal stream, he will be fucked off and gooning at MLP.

He should go to watch an actual concert to understand what is an actual live concert is instead of some in-house karaoke.

Oh wait, He has no job and no money :dokiSmug:
 

CalciumAnimal

Drink Milk
Joined:  Feb 24, 2023

He's feeling better, he's back to gooning.

how the fuck? he claims to like MLP but somehow didn't watch teen titans.

so he's actually a fraud then.
 

niggaphil

Well-known member
Joined:  Oct 23, 2022
Nolan Crush posting in the MLP blogspot, and talk about his job:

This is his first post:
Screenshot 2025-06-04 132458.png


FIRST JOB? FIRST JOB???
:dokiwheeze::dokiwheeze::dokiwheeze:

Nolan Lying with his straight face:

:NOWWELAUGH::NOWWELAUGH::NOWWELAUGH:

The best part is after this post, he posted this:

Screenshot 2025-06-04 132736.png


Watching Amazing movie is more important than losing his job in his life

Holy Shit Nolan, you are such a LOLCOW!!!
:supermigo::supermigo::supermigo:
 

Italian Raccoon

*calls you a slur*
Joined:  Mar 2, 2025
Nolan Crush posting in the MLP blogspot, and talk about his job:

This is his first post:
View attachment 100299

FIRST JOB? FIRST JOB???
:dokiwheeze::dokiwheeze::dokiwheeze:

Nolan Lying with his straight face:

:NOWWELAUGH::NOWWELAUGH::NOWWELAUGH:

The best part is after this post, he posted this:

View attachment 100300

Watching Amazing movie is more important than losing his job in his life

Holy Shit Nolan, you are such a LOLCOW!!!
:supermigo::supermigo::supermigo:
Genuinely amazing that he turned out like this despite having a brother. I would imagine a brother would've bullied him into not being retarded like this.
 

CalciumAnimal

Drink Milk
Joined:  Feb 24, 2023
Genuinely amazing that he turned out like this despite having a brother. I would imagine a brother would've bullied him into not being retarded like this.
isisn't his brother possibly a troon? or did he have 2?
 

God's Strongest Dragoon

Well-known member
Joined:  Mar 20, 2023
isisn't his brother possibly a troon? or did he have 2?
He has two brothers, John and Bradley. I believe John is the oldest and Brad is the fag.
 
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