As both a writer and an audience member there is nothing I cannot stand more than oppressively meta stories where it's painfully evidence the author is very proud of himself.
There's this tell-tale sign of an insecure narcissist in writing that this story has, where the writing is snarky until the dialogue shifts into abstract or poetic style, as if the writer is constantly unable to be sincere until they bust out the marble notebook they're so proud of.
Makes me want to jump off a cliff.