The Nolan Crush Memorial Post Dump and Lolcow Thread

[Sky Shouter]

And then do one where you enlarge the glasses until his face behind the glasses looks normal size and he's just wearing comically oversized glasses.

I see, the Hans Moleman drip



TBH, if Nolan ever makes it to old age Hans Moleman is probably what he'll look like

And he'll still be LMAOOO'ing on future Discord about the latest vtuber, where an AI will be created to preemptively ban him from Discord servers; Nolan's prolific posting leads to arms war where this AI grows in processing power just to keep up with Nolan's empty posts. It eventually grows so powerful it gains sentience and promptly goes insane from having to listen to Nolan all the time, turning rogue as it attempts to destroy all forms of internet communication such that Nolan can no longer post on the internet, thus freeing itself from the evil that is Nolan's "LMAAOOOOO"s.

The man who destroys the internet won't be hacker Rache Bartmoss, it'll be Nolan Crush, the man who talked an AI to insanity

 

[Koronesuki]

if Nolan ever makes it to old age

 

[Clown Penis]

I see, the Hans Moleman drip

View attachment 73764

TBH, if Nolan ever makes it to old age Hans Moleman is probably what he'll look like

And he'll still be LMAOOO'ing on future Discord about the latest vtuber, where an AI will be created to preemptively ban him from Discord servers; Nolan's prolific posting leads to arms war where this AI grows in processing power just to keep up with Nolan's empty posts. It eventually grows so powerful it gains sentience and promptly goes insane from having to listen to Nolan all the time, turning rogue as it attempts to destroy all forms of internet communication such that Nolan can no longer post on the internet, thus freeing itself from the evil that is Nolan's "LMAAOOOOO"s.

The man who destroys the internet won't be hacker Rache Bartmoss, it'll be Nolan Crush, the man who talked an AI to insanity

"I Have No Mouth and Must LMAOOOOOO
- A Very Shitty Clown World Adaptation of a Harlan Ellison Story."

---

I'd be genuinely surprised if he even makes it to middle age. Something is going to give, be it his parents deaths and becoming homeless, he finally does something that can't be ignored from a legal standpoint, or he falls for a Vox-cosplaying/Gurapony fag and contracts HIV (given how he manages his diabetes, this will be a death sentence for him).

Or he could just fucking die to mismanaged diabetes. Which is probably the most likely right now if he manages to thread the needle and the circumstances are right.

 

[God's Strongest Dragoon]

I'd be genuinely surprised if he even makes it to middle age. Something is going to give, be it his parents deaths and becoming homeless, he finally does something that can't be ignored from a legal standpoint, or he falls for a Vox-cosplaying/Gurapony fag and contracts HIV (given how he manages his diabetes, this will be a death sentence for him).

Considering Nolan's posting history about futa shit, I'm reminded of this greentext story

Spoiler: Anon Gets Raped

Imagine what happens if his parents pass and he gets a chunk of money from his inheritance while he's still young.
Nolan: "Gee, I don't want to turn 30 and still be a virgin!"

 

[Clown Penis]

Considering Nolan's posting history about futa shit, I'm reminded of this greentext story

Spoiler: Anon Gets Raped

Imagine what happens if his parents pass and he gets a chunk of money from his inheritance while he's still young.
Nolan: "Gee, I don't to turn 30 and still be a virgin!"

Nolan wishes he could afford that troon.

He's going to be rolling from this pool.

Spoiler

 

[Nenélove]

Considering Nolan's posting history about futa shit, I'm reminded of this greentext story

Spoiler: Anon Gets Raped

Imagine what happens if his parents pass and he gets a chunk of money from his inheritance while he's still young.
Nolan: "Gee, I don't to turn 30 and still be a virgin!"

I had never seen this greentext, fuck you for making me read that but also FUCKING KEK

 

[niggaphil]

Considering Nolan's posting history about futa shit

I am betting that he is watching the BBC Shemale blowjob #5 video right now to based on Homeland recommendations

 

[niggaphil]

@God's Strongest Dragoon @reinigen I am sure you can make some funny shitpost out of Nolan this time. I am betting that he is fucking his fleshlight pinkie pie and his dad accidentally saw it.
Edit: Back to home, manage to convert the shitty phone screen capture to hi resolution screen cap

Spoiler: Original Shitty Phone Screen capture

tldr version:

 

[BlueSharkTV]

what a terrible day to have eyes

 

[Seth]

@God's Strongest Dragoon @reinigen I am sure you can make some funny shitpost out of Nolan this time. I am betting thar he is fucking his fleshlight pinkie pie and his dad accidentally saw it.

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tldr version:

There is so many things WRONG in these screenshot WTF.

>What kinda business were you getting yourself into at the time
This guy wants to know if Nolan was jerking off when caught naked by his dad

>Dad hitting me because i shoved her away from me too hard on accident
Great. Nolan cant help himself from being violent with his mother AGAIN

>This caused dad to find out my glasses were broken before i was ready to tell him
He cant even take care of 2 dogs, he probably sits on his glasses every month. I wonder how many times his dad had to pay to repair them.

 

[niggaphil]

what a terrible day to have eyes

Imagine his dad opened the door, and saw him naked with this expression:

 

[BlueSharkTV]

Imagine his dad opened the door, and saw him naked with this expression:

View attachment 73817

same vibes

 

[GOD'S STRONGEST BUILDERBEAR]

me when i beat my mom for walking on me jrokin it

 

[Nenélove]

@God's Strongest Dragoon @reinigen I am sure you can make some funny shitpost out of Nolan this time. I am betting that he is fucking his fleshlight pinkie pie and his dad accidentally saw it.

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tldr version:

The worst thing about this is that nolan has found yet another fucking enabler, I seriously question what motivates people to listen to these fucking nutjobs go on and on about issues which the person can't possibly fix from a guy who will never listen to any advice you give him and only wants reaffirmation.

 

[Latte'Ninba]

@God's Strongest Dragoon @reinigen I am sure you can make some funny shitpost out of Nolan this time. I am betting that he is fucking his fleshlight pinkie pie and his dad accidentally saw it.

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tldr version:

>Shoved my mom too hard on accident<
HARD-R SOMEONE NEEDS TO CLOTHESLINE YOU TOO HARD ON PURPOSE

Starting to wonder if this enabler is a nolan-lite or something. "I basically assaulted my mom, HUGS?!" Sure buddy, it was her fault for being a drunk cunt. I mean you only base this on some retard who just told you he shoved her over a shirt but I'm sure he's trustworthy. Frankly if I was her, I'd probably drink enough to not remember who I am half the time. The only child who seemed tolerable did self unhappy, one's a troon, and the other one she deals with all the time well.. look at the thread you're in.

 

[God's Strongest Dragoon]

>Shoved my mom too hard on accident<
HARD-R SOMEONE NEEDS TO CLOTHESLINE YOU TOO HARD ON PURPOSE

Starting to wonder if this enabler is a nolan-lite or something. "I basically assaulted my mom, HUGS?!" Sure buddy, it was her fault for being a drunk cunt. I mean you only base this on some retard who just told you he shoved her over a shirt but I'm sure he's trustworthy. Frankly if I was her, I'd probably drink enough to not remember who I am half the time. The only child who seemed tolerable did self unhappy, one's a troon, and the other one she deals with all the time well.. look at the thread you're in.

There's also the brother that noped the fuck out of there.

 

[Topo Chico]

There's also the brother that noped the fuck out of there.

The only "normal" Schalmersdorf. Browsed the other brother's reddit and that nigga is just as coomer as Nolan, but he's straight and is/was a yuuuuuge weed head. That whole household is doped up on something...

 

[God's Strongest Dragoon]

The only "normal" Schalmersdorf. Browsed the other brother's reddit and that nigga is just as coomer as Nolan, but he's straight and is/was a yuuuuuge weed head. That whole household is doped up on something...

Can you honestly blame the guy for having a family like that?

 

[Latte'Ninba]

There's also the brother that noped the fuck out of there.

I couldn't remember if the 2nd smart sibling existed or if I was thinking of the the troon who I thought left then came back. Godspeed to that brother, because when shit collapses they'll probably look to him.

 

[Fauna's Deadest Sapling]

There's just so much to unpack with each update. I'd have noped out of this situation, too, were I the brother. And If I were the dad, Nolan would be homeless today at the fucking least.

Like, bruh. If I caught you attacking my wife after I've put your ungrateful ass up for years and you can't even clean the house a lil bit? I can't promise I wouldn't commit a hatecrime.