The Nolan Crush Memorial Post Dump and Lolcow Thread

[Sky Shouter]

This has been discussed, but part of it is because Nolan is so bad at managing his diabetes it isn't unusual for him to pass out for 12 hours because of essentially a diabetic coma. He's done it so many times over the years but it keeps happening.

So we just gotta wait for the day he goes into a diabetic coma and never wakes up?

Kinda anticlimactic possible end to the Nolan Crush saga. He goes out not with a "LMAOOOOOOOOO", but gurgling and convulsing soaked in sweat on the floor of the halfway house

 

[Fauna's Deadest Sapling]

So we just gotta wait for the day he goes into a diabetic coma and never wakes up?

Kinda anticlimactic possible end to the Nolan Crush saga. He goes out not with a "LMAOOOOOOOOO", but gurgling and convulsing soaked in sweat on the floor of the halfway house

"He died as he lived; a huge disappointment to everyone."

 

[John Vtuber👁️]

At this point, I don’t think he would even be capable of a desk job or data entry, if 5 1/2 hours of menial chores before he gets to watch streams is too much for him.

Will he one day learn that he can do work AND listen to streams in the background, as long as he can prove the work can get done? (Probably not)

 

[Topo Chico]

listen to streams

He must chat or he will die

 

[niggaphil]

At this point, I don’t think he would even be capable of a desk job or data entry, if 5 1/2 hours of menial chores before he gets to watch streams is too much for him.

Will he one day learn that he can do work AND listen to streams in the background, as long as he can prove the work can get done? (Probably not)

He can't even bother to pick up the sticks around his house garden or shit because it is too hard for him. Do you expect him to do proper work?

 

[Zizara]

> do basic human things so you can live in a house and not in the streets.
> Nolan:

also how the fuck does he have to wake up at 4 pm but somehow keeps sleeping until 8, are his parents even real? who the fuck leaves their place in charge to someone that can't even wake up at a normal time, no wonder everything goes to shit in that house.

This has been discussed, but part of it is because Nolan is so bad at managing his diabetes it isn't unusual for him to pass out for 12 hours because of essentially a diabetic coma. He's done it so many times over the years but it keeps happening.

Honestly I'm suspicious over whether Nolan isn't intentionally mismanaging his diabetes at this point so he has an "excuse" to be laid out all day and then can lmao at night with no-one to bother him. He's going to ruin his body if he keeps it up regardless.

 

[God's Strongest Dragoon]

Nolan: This is too much work for me to do per day. My scumbag dad trying to give me impossible task to do so he has reason to cut off my internet! For fuck sake Dad I need MY BEAUTY SLEEP!!!!

Edit: Reformat and screencap the conversation

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Note: i am away from pc, so i will edit it once i reach home. I literrally LMAO when i saw that work list posted by Nolan

At this point, if his parents can't figure out how to block his phone's internet, they should just take his phone away and give him a shitty prepaid flip phone so he can still make phone calls/text with his parents. His parents let him take care of the dog to hopefully teach him some responsibility but it's failing horribly as he's actively neglecting the dog and spergs that he's done nothing wrong when called out for it.

This should've been the final straw for them that he is unable to act as a functioning adult. Stop paying for (what I presume to be community college) classes because he's not going to be able to do anything with that. He has no reason to have internet access and complete fags like that "B Achilles" guy only validate and encourage his behavior. There is the distinct possibility he might kill them in their sleep for removing his internet access forever but at this point, they would deserve it for not putting him in a group home.

 

[UberSoldat]

At this point, if his parents can't figure out how to block his phone's internet, they should just take his phone away and give him a shitty prepaid flip phone so he can still make phone calls/text with his parents. His parents let him take care of the dog to hopefully teach him some responsibility but it's failing horribly as he's actively neglecting the dog and spergs that he's done nothing wrong when called out for it.

This should've been the final straw for them that he is unable to act as a functioning adult. Stop paying for (what I presume to be community college) classes because he's not going to be able to do anything with that. He has no reason to have internet access and complete fags like that "B Achilles" guy only validate and encourage his behavior. There is the distinct possibility he might kill them in their sleep for removing his internet access forever but at this point, they would deserve it for not putting him in a group home.

Can't wait to read the Nolan family murders page on Wikipedia a la Nick Browning.

 

[Tamavitch]

One day, rather than continuing to delude yourselves that Nolan is particularly bad or especially pathetic, all of you South Americans etc. will come to a stunning reality: Nolan is only about 10% worse than your average North American 12-28 year old. And there is little distinction inside that age range, be it vocabulary, math ability, reading comprehension, tech proficiency, outrageous laziness, or any other metric. If anything, he is someone more of a dipshit but a bit thinner than average. Nolan IS the American/Canadian youth. He is utterly typical. He is simply somewhat louder about it. But you could equally make as valid a kiwithread on any of several million others like him.

but it's just the world we live in now. These kids can't mail a letter, fill out a check, or change a tire. They have to print their names like a little kid, or put X like an illiterate felon in an old cartoon. Nolan is the world's future.

 

[Zyklon Mag]

All of you Bloodflame fans better look forward to attending MLP cons with Nolan and your new oshi from now on.

I doubt he has money for cons that aren't super local to him. Him getting kicked out of IRL Holo fan meetups would be funny (for us, RIP the innocent vtuber spergs dressed up in cosplay doing karaoke), especially if there's footage.

I wonder if the other guy responding to this bullshit knows that Nolan is a 23-year-old man, not some underage girl he can groom. Because no-one else would listen to this bullshit and go: "you're so valid for this, Nolan."

This type of response is very typical nowadays. B Achilles might end up being Nolan's second wife

 

[Nenélove]

One day, rather than continuing to delude yourselves that Nolan is particularly bad or especially pathetic, all of you South Americans etc. will come to a stunning reality: Nolan is only about 10% worse than your average North American 12-28 year old. And there is little distinction inside that age range, be it vocabulary, math ability, reading comprehension, tech proficiency, outrageous laziness, or any other metric. If anything, he is someone more of a dipshit but a bit thinner than average. Nolan IS the American/Canadian youth. He is utterly typical. He is simply somewhat louder about it. But you could equally make as valid a kiwithread on any of several million others like him.

View attachment 72828 but it's just the world we live in now. These kids can't mail a letter, fill out a check, or change a tire. They have to print their names like a little kid, or put X like an illiterate felon in an old cartoon. Nolan is the world's future.

 

[GOD'S STRONGEST BUILDERBEAR]

phone calls/text with his parents

He doesnt need that shit, he doesnt leave the house and hes in a fucking coma for the entire day until his parent are back home. He doesnt have a job, has no interest in getting one. Probably has no friends either, so he aint calling them. He doesnt even need a flip phone

 

[niggaphil]

Nolan: I didn't do anything wrong but my parents hated me and my dad punched me in the face! They are fucking arsehole just because I USED LAUNDRY CLEANER TO CLEAN THE KITCHEN COUNTER!!!!!

Edit:
To be honest, Nolan will kill his whole family with his stupidity and retardness at this rate. He is more stupid than Chris-chan....

 

[reinigen]

Nolan: I didn't do anything wrong but my parents hated me and my dad punched me in the face! They are fucking arsehole just because I USED LAUNDRY CLEANER TO CLEAN THE KITCHEN COUNTER!!!!!


View attachment 72853

Edit:
To be honest, Nolan will kill his whole family with his stupidity and retardness at this rate. He is more stupid than Chris-chan....

Meanwhile, on the Pony blog trying to post -

 

[niggaphil]

Meanwhile, on the Pony blog trying to post -
View attachment 72855

I mean, the blog is not wrong though

His language and words are like chatgpt shit, and he spammed in the social media. It is the only matter of time for the Pony blog bot to ban him.

 

[Zizara]

Nolan: I didn't do anything wrong but my parents hated me and my dad punched me in the face! They are fucking arsehole just because I USED LAUNDRY CLEANER TO CLEAN THE KITCHEN COUNTER!!!!!


View attachment 72853

Edit:
To be honest, Nolan will kill his whole family with his stupidity and retardness at this rate. He is more stupid than Chris-chan....

Wiping the countertops with fucking laundry cleaner?
...what kind of laundry cleaner? Liquid or powder? I'd guess the former but I don't want to risk assuming anything about a man who starts smearing persil across the tables just because he can't be assed looking for the proper stuff. Which they apparently did have and he tries to gloss over that little fact. I haven't been this baffled since the ice cream thing.

 

[Topo Chico]

Wiping the countertops with fucking laundry cleaner?
...what kind of laundry cleaner? Liquid or powder? I'd guess the former but I don't want to risk assuming anything about a man who starts smearing persil across the tables just because he can't be assed looking for the proper stuff. Which they apparently did have and he tries to gloss over that little fact. I haven't been this baffled since the ice cream thing.

I had the same thought. Based on the Zillow post they have black stone countertops (unsealed?) and there's a lot of additives in even liquid detergents that could soak into that and stain or ruin it. He always leaves shit vague and always doesn't ask for any clarification on directions. Nolan will just intentionally stumbles through 'tardedly. It's like he's attempting malicious compliance, but his dad is not gonna stop asking for him to do basic chores just because he's a fuckup. They're just gonna yell and tell him how to do it right. He's just asking to get hit. There's no way he just didn't think hard enough about where other soap was.

 

[GOD'S STRONGEST BUILDERBEAR]

Honestly despite all of his whining his parents need to be saintified for their infinite patience because i would absolutellly send him to mental institution before he could ever hit my daughter or wife.

 

[niggaphil]

Wiping the countertops with fucking laundry cleaner?
...what kind of laundry cleaner? Liquid or powder? I'd guess the former but I don't want to risk assuming anything about a man who starts smearing persil across the tables just because he can't be assed looking for the proper stuff. Which they apparently did have and he tries to gloss over that little fact. I haven't been this baffled since the ice cream thing.

I had the same thought. Based on the Zillow post they have black stone countertops (unsealed?) and there's a lot of additives in even liquid detergents that could soak into that and stain or ruin it. He always leaves shit vague and always doesn't ask for any clarification on directions. Nolan will just intentionally stumbles through 'tardedly. It's like he's attempting malicious compliance, but his dad is not gonna stop asking for him to do basic chores just because he's a fuckup. They're just gonna yell and tell him how to do it right. He's just asking to get hit. There's no way he just didn't think hard enough about where other soap was.

I think the bigger problem is: The chemical toxicity in laundry cleaner could kill an actual human or animal. Cleaning the Kitchen with Laundry cleaner basically means he is slowly killing himself, his family and his pet..... Nolan must have watched too much tidepod video and think it is safe and common for human to consume. I think he really need to send to mental hospital for the rest of his life.

 

[RestlessRain]

Honestly despite all of his whining his parents need to be saintified for their infinite patience because i would absolutellly send him to mental institution before he could ever hit my daughter or wife.

I'm going to guess the story is that Nolan's dad wants his kid in a home and the mother doesn't, so Nolan isn't in a group home. If Nolan's parents ever reach a stage where they can't take care of Nolan, he's going to go in a group home because his brother hates him and won't want to deal with caring for a retard (derogatory).

This is pure speculation, to be clear, but seems reasonable given the family dynamics and especially how his father treats Nolan.