I was ready to move on, I had made my last statement and I haven’t looked at anything regarding my past for a full week. I didn’t look at anything regarding legal documents or anything regarding my situation since I moved back to Doki. I wanted to be hopeful for the future and never interact with that side again. So to see it all come back and reopen a wound that I was ready to heal from and to have to talk to my lawyer again on how to respond.
The document mentioned was at first made to document my thoughts and history with evidence so that my lawyer can see the general picture of what was going on, and if there were issues that should be addressed. It was first made during my darkest time mentally and I wrote everything on my mind little by little at that time. I made the document thinking that it was never going to be public to anyone but to my lawyer. Although it was a document filled with my personal information as well privacy information that should not be public, there were no other addresses or specific locations mentioned. Regarding a recording, this was not intended to be anything other than a distribution test for planning of a collaborative event between two people, which happened to be left over from one test recording, and I never recorded any other conversations with anyone. The recording was never shown anywhere even in a legal setting and there are no other records. However, I regret that it was mentioned and I am sorry to all parties affected for the misunderstanding in this.
I requested that I just wanted to move on. Sometimes I didn’t hear anything for days from the lawyers on the other side and felt like I’d be alone and isolated for a long time. It made it so hard for me mentally. On Feb 5th, my lawyer discussed and said it will be best to show the document I wrote to the other lawyers as we have not heard from them for a week or any negotiation talks or given a meeting to discuss after my request to part. It was never intended to be used for anything else, I’ve asked my lawyer to convey that and have communication that the document as it was written wasn’t going to be released anywhere, and my lawyer did so when sending the document. Less than two hours after my lawyer sent the document, the termination notice came out. I was very shocked, but thought that was the last time I will hear or think about the document and that this, personally and my own opinion, was the end of the lawyers and legal involvement.
All of the communication was done between lawyers in Japanese. Things are not black and white and everything gets more complicated and muddled when lawyers are involved in a different country. When things are conveyed to multiple parties through different degrees of communication, everything turns into different narratives and different translations. I thought it was over and I've accepted what happened and ready to move on. Everything I post to the public about the situation was a response. If it was a month ago, it will have been different as I was angry but I was also very alone in my head. But it's not a month ago and I've accepted it. I wanted it to be neutral and private but now the whole world is involved and the public is watching every step that happens.
I am not perfect and I have faults. I had to watch my dad cry and break down in front of me for the first time in my life last night. Despite everything that has happened, please show kindness to all parties involved, there are real people behind the monitors. One of the reasons why I wanted this to be private is that the internet can be a cruel place and I knew this would happen the moment this type of notice drops. What I didn't reveal to anyone and only my parents and therapist knew was that it was not one attempt but two, which happened a few weeks after the first. My parents found me in time after searching for me for hours before anything happened. I was in a really dark place and I do not wish this to anyone. No one should go through what I went through. I reveal this now not for pity but to state that no life, no matter what, should be risked for ego or winning anything. There are no winners in this. Please don't make it like high school. Treat everyone like adults and with some empathy and kindness.
For those who wish to see receipts or documents or anything else, hoping I will reveal them, I'm sorry but these are the things that should be private and if needed, between lawyers. Revealing private documents and talking about the details within will only just make things worse and more complicated as outside parties get involved and will just hurt everyone. No one deserves to be pushed over the edge. So many people have got hurt and involved even if they were innocent bystanders. In the end, I will always be here to respond and that is the only thing I will do in public. I hope this will be the last statement I have to make.
