Oh my god, something I have extensive experience with, sasuga Caramel Idol!
I've been to almost every major gas station chain in America (or at least almost everything east of the Mississippi), and my criteria for what qualifies as a good gas station are as follows:
Buc-ee's: The KING. Bathroom cleanliness is literally written into the manager's contract. Store is more like a mini-supermarket.
Sheetz: Good fast food selection, bathrooms are nearly always clean even in Hicksville, West Virginia.
QuikTrip: Decent food selection, modern stores, clean bathrooms. As solid as it gets.
KwikTrip: Newer stores have good food, are modern, and typically have clean bathrooms. Older stores aren't as nice but still have a huge food selection.
Love's: Honestly impressed at how well they keep the bathrooms clean despite their primary clientele being truckers, as truckers tend to be pretty gross. Fast food options are trucker slop, but they have a good selection of snacks that aren't just chips and jerky.
Good:
Wawa: Similar to Sheetz, but Sheetz has nicer bathrooms.
Casey's: Pretty basic food selection, but bathrooms are typically clean.
GetGo: Great fast food selection, but bathrooms are often not terribly clean.
Pilot: Depends on the age of the store, but typically a slightly to noticeably worse version of Love's.
Mediocre:
Kum n Go: Some of the newer stores are nice, but most are unremarkable in every way and bathroom cleanliness is a gamble.
Huck's Market: Bathrooms are a single toilet, but are usually kept clean. Food selection is mostly snacks, but not all of it is chips and jerky.
United Dairy Farms: Bathrooms are largely clean. Food selection is mediocre unless you want ice cream.
RaceTrac: Nothing really sticks out to me, just a worse version of QuikTrip.
Thornton's: "Kentucky, I want Quiktrip!" "We have QuikTrip at home"
Family Express: They have good donuts, nothing else is remarkable.
Gamble:
Random no-name convenience stores in Appalachia: If on a major road that leads from a major city, likely to be kept clean. Food selection may be really basic aside from local pastries. If located anywhere else, utter crack den.
7Eleven: Depends on the area and clientele - can range from really good to utterly disgusting and sketchy.
Circle K: Newer stores are very nice, but older stores and stores in urban areas can be pathetic.
Murphy USA: Since they're always located near Wal-Marts, there's a non-zero chance you'll encounter the aftermath of a Mart Shart that nobody bothered to clean up.
Not good:
Speedway: Even the newer ones look rundown and have nasty bathrooms.
TA (Travel Centers of America, or as I call, "Tits & Ass Center"): Buildings are usually pointlessly large, run-down, and only serve the shittiest of gas station food, bathrooms are often cramped, smelly and could be cleaner.
Royal Farms: Good fast food selection, modern stores, AWFUL bathrooms. Most have at best a single urinal and a toilet that's likely to be completely coated in piss and covered in piss-flies.
A-Plus: 7-Eleven but consistently worse, and usually in worse areas.
Red Apple/KwikFill: Food sucks, bathroom is usually a single toilet that's literally always in use, and in the off chance you get in you'll walk into the worst smelling aftershit you'll have ever experienced in your life.
Cumberland Farms: See Red Apple, just slightly nicer looking.
tier:
OnTheRun: Even in nice areas the only bathroom is going to be a stinky shithole that requires a key on a stick. Food is the very definition of goyslop. When you think "shitty gas station" and it isn't a moonshine still in the boonies, it's this chain.
Random no-name convenience stores in New England: 90% chance to have, at best, a piss-splattered and heroin-needle-laden Portajohn as a bathroom. Also, the reader on the pump is likely to be compromised, and you'll probably get a text saying someone was trying to buy SUPREME with your credit card afterwards.
Random no-name convenience stores in the ghetto of any major city: Unless you're looking for crack, fent, or hookers or to catch a bullet in the teeth, keep driving until you reach the nice part of town.
- Quality of the bathrooms: Are they kept clean and in a functioning state, or do they look like crack dens that were last cleaned in 2005?
- Quality of food and choices: Do they offer more than just the typical trucker goyslop, like chips and Mountain Dew and those suspicious hot dogs?
- Maintenance: Does the credit card reader on the pump work without the risk of some fent fiend stealing your info?
Buc-ee's: The KING. Bathroom cleanliness is literally written into the manager's contract. Store is more like a mini-supermarket.
Sheetz: Good fast food selection, bathrooms are nearly always clean even in Hicksville, West Virginia.
QuikTrip: Decent food selection, modern stores, clean bathrooms. As solid as it gets.
KwikTrip: Newer stores have good food, are modern, and typically have clean bathrooms. Older stores aren't as nice but still have a huge food selection.
Love's: Honestly impressed at how well they keep the bathrooms clean despite their primary clientele being truckers, as truckers tend to be pretty gross. Fast food options are trucker slop, but they have a good selection of snacks that aren't just chips and jerky.
Good:
Wawa: Similar to Sheetz, but Sheetz has nicer bathrooms.
Casey's: Pretty basic food selection, but bathrooms are typically clean.
GetGo: Great fast food selection, but bathrooms are often not terribly clean.
Pilot: Depends on the age of the store, but typically a slightly to noticeably worse version of Love's.
Mediocre:
Kum n Go: Some of the newer stores are nice, but most are unremarkable in every way and bathroom cleanliness is a gamble.
Huck's Market: Bathrooms are a single toilet, but are usually kept clean. Food selection is mostly snacks, but not all of it is chips and jerky.
United Dairy Farms: Bathrooms are largely clean. Food selection is mediocre unless you want ice cream.
RaceTrac: Nothing really sticks out to me, just a worse version of QuikTrip.
Thornton's: "Kentucky, I want Quiktrip!" "We have QuikTrip at home"
Family Express: They have good donuts, nothing else is remarkable.
Gamble:
Random no-name convenience stores in Appalachia: If on a major road that leads from a major city, likely to be kept clean. Food selection may be really basic aside from local pastries. If located anywhere else, utter crack den.
7Eleven: Depends on the area and clientele - can range from really good to utterly disgusting and sketchy.
Circle K: Newer stores are very nice, but older stores and stores in urban areas can be pathetic.
Murphy USA: Since they're always located near Wal-Marts, there's a non-zero chance you'll encounter the aftermath of a Mart Shart that nobody bothered to clean up.
Not good:
Speedway: Even the newer ones look rundown and have nasty bathrooms.
TA (Travel Centers of America, or as I call, "Tits & Ass Center"): Buildings are usually pointlessly large, run-down, and only serve the shittiest of gas station food, bathrooms are often cramped, smelly and could be cleaner.
Royal Farms: Good fast food selection, modern stores, AWFUL bathrooms. Most have at best a single urinal and a toilet that's likely to be completely coated in piss and covered in piss-flies.
A-Plus: 7-Eleven but consistently worse, and usually in worse areas.
Red Apple/KwikFill: Food sucks, bathroom is usually a single toilet that's literally always in use, and in the off chance you get in you'll walk into the worst smelling aftershit you'll have ever experienced in your life.
Cumberland Farms: See Red Apple, just slightly nicer looking.
tier:OnTheRun: Even in nice areas the only bathroom is going to be a stinky shithole that requires a key on a stick. Food is the very definition of goyslop. When you think "shitty gas station" and it isn't a moonshine still in the boonies, it's this chain.
Random no-name convenience stores in New England: 90% chance to have, at best, a piss-splattered and heroin-needle-laden Portajohn as a bathroom. Also, the reader on the pump is likely to be compromised, and you'll probably get a text saying someone was trying to buy SUPREME with your credit card afterwards.
Random no-name convenience stores in the ghetto of any major city: Unless you're looking for crack, fent, or hookers or to catch a bullet in the teeth, keep driving until you reach the nice part of town.
Clip tax to stay on topic:
Fauna becomes a dog
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