I feel very numb.
I was starting out not caring but as time has gone on it's really hit me how heavy this is. Hololive was what got me into EN vtubing, especially Myth and Gurame. Mumei also kept me in for a long time, and seeing their journeys was incredibly touching. They should've been able to keep going, stay with their friends, and make miracles happen. At least, that's how I felt around August of last year.
I know, I know. Probably too late to keep having hopes, but I had just come out of seeing Breaking Dimensions live and I was super excited for the future of EN. Myth, and Promise, and Advent, and now Justice, all together! All finally doing things like the company mates they are! The momentum kept going with ENReco and eventually the Myth gen concert, it seemed like things were finally gonna get better.
Then... it didn't.
BAM! Ame gone. BAM! Fauna gone. BAM! Mumei gone. And now Gura's got the pistol at the back of her head.
Gura, Ame, and Mumei were the reasons I stayed a fan of Hololive for so long. I did like the other talents, but mostly as a supplement to those three. It was much more rare for me to catch any of the others streaming due to time constraints and lack of interest on my part. But I appreciated having them as a tether, cuz, at least as soon as 2023, I swore things were gonna just keep up the momentum that it'd been gaining for the past 3 years. Now it's all disappearing with a wet fart and I dunno what to make of it other than that I wasted nearly 5 years of my life just watching funny anime girl play vidyo gaem on stream. Everything's just far too serious and dour now. All of them disappear made me feel like a dog abandoned by its owner, and Dooby's erratic streams aren't enough to satiate me, especially when time constraints have made it impossible to watch her anyway.
I have a major pain in my chest. Rather than staying mad, however, I'm gonna share what I did for the girls I loved. I drew a lot of fanart, or at least as much as I could manage given my own issues with paying attention. I will always appreciate what these girls did for me and I'm gonna miss 'em, and Hololive.
I love you, Gura. I love you, Ame. I love you, Mumei. Thank you for being there when I needed you most. I need to move on now, but I'll always appreciate what you did.