Good evening TVA, this is your boy God's Strongest Sanalite. This date, July 31st, 2023, marks the one year anniversary of the graduation of Hololive English 2nd generation talent, and my god-oshi above all, Tsukumo Sana. Usually when the topic of Sana's graduation comes up, I tend to get sad and depressed. I'll doompost and get a bunch of feels reactions. It's understandable, I think, but that's not the point of this post. Unlike Mark Antony, I have come to praise Sana, not to bury her.
Sana made an immediate and lasting impression on me, through her beautiful design and unique and boundlessly positive personality. Even on my worst of days, I could tune into to the new Sana stream and have my fears and anxieties melted away by the most cheerful gal in all the universe. Sana's streams were the definition of "cozy", as you kicked back and watched a chill game like Kirby or Animal Crossing while a sweet girl talked to you in a funny accent. She could also be insanely creative, as evidenced by the Neighbula and Kimono reveal streams. She was also willing to tap into her own lore as guardian of space with the astrology streams, something I don't notice often from other EN members. It makes me sad, knowing I'll never re-live those days again.
In hindsight, Sana's graduation was obviously coming, but as I watched that announcement stream on July 11th, 2022, my heart sank upon hearing the words from her mouth. I was taken entirely by surprise, and for the rest of the month, despite me doing my best to support her, I had difficulty even watching Sana, knowing the end was soon approaching. It was like looking at somebody you knew was gonna die and there was nothing you could do to stop it. I felt powerless, I was depressed. The graduation stream came, and it was amazing, but even as Sana left, my grief stayed. I found it difficult to move on. I don't blame myself for the way I was, Sana was important to me, but looking back on it a year later, I see things a different way now.
If it weren't for Sana's graduation and the lingering emotions I had about it, I wouldn't have made my account here the way I did. I wouldn't have picked up the gyaru appreciator shtick, and I probably wouldn't have gone out of my way to look into more dark-skinned/gyaru vtubers. I wouldn't have found girls like Tomoe, Mozu, Sena Bonbon, some of my favorite creators today.
Sana is not dead because I've taken the love I had for her and shared it with the people in my life, both the anime girls on my screen and my friends and family IRL. I think that's what Sana would've wanted.
To whomever reads this, perhaps you're like me, and have lost your favorite vtuber after a graduation. Maybe you were lucky, and they quickly reincarnated under a different alias. Maybe they never came back and never will. Maybe you've never experienced such a thing at all, but who's to say if that will remain the case come 3 months, 6, even a year or two down the road? The clock's ticking, and these happy times we take for granted now will one day leave us behind. When that time inevitably comes, we can feel hopeless and depressed, like the light from our life has been snuffed out, and all that's left is cold darkness, but I don't think that's true. I will never watch a new Sana stream in my life, but I still have the archives, my experiences, my memories and my love for her, and I carry them with me everyday, and through everything I do, I share a little bit of Sana with the world. Thus explaining the title of her graduation stream:
Sana IS eternal because of us Sanalites, and not because of themed accounts or annual sadposts about her leaving, but because we carry her through our daily lives, in our hearts and minds and actions. Without invoking concepts of the afterlife and spirituality, that's the closest thing to immortality than any human can hope to achieve.
Despite it being the one year anniversary of my oshi's graduation, I'm not as sad as I thought I'd be. Over the past year, I've made new friends, and re-connected with old ones. I've gained and lost family and shared many happy days and experiences with them. I've discovered new and entertaining vtubers that I've become a regular viewer of. Throughout all of this, I've kept Sana with me, my love for her and my grief over her graduating, but it doesn't hurt the same way it used to half a year ago. I still have that Sana-shaped hole in my heart, and likely always will, but it feels like it's gotten smaller as my love for other people in my life have moved in. I think I've genuinely been healing, and I can owe it to one simple truth:
I'm not alone.
I love you Sana
2 Sisters hate watching 3 aspies taking notes to try and ape her if they ever debut 4 Yuko's cool probably has some legit female fans
Time
