Are you telling me that the postman's cousin's pizza delivery guy isn't about to randomly enter my house to deliver a whole salami but then find my half-zimbabwean niece masturbating on the fridge while I juggle busts of obama in my secret control room so he can then insert said salami up her left nostril until the noise makes me wander out of my secret satanic ritual to find out that the entire apartment complex has engaged in a week long bukkake/bake sale within my livingroom that lasted so long that without food some of them straight up died and were then ritually cannibalized by the survivors?