Banter/Off-topic Thread & Community Stoning Platform

I was watching TV the other day, one of Dickwolf's many non-Law and Order shows, one of his FBI pseudo propaganda slots the one titled Most Wanted. While it's shit, often it's shit in an entertaining way. This was not one of those times.

The villain of the week is a fat fuck geriatric that somehow walks on foot such long distances that makes the Hyper-persistent hunter Raptors from Jurassic Park look like ADD-addled chihuahuas. Nobody with his size and age is walking through a dense forest chasing after victims like a junkyard pitbull IRL, but this Old Fat Fuck does. He kills one man after kidnapping him from his own house.

His second victim gets away only due to sheer luck. Thanks to this surviving victim, we know Old Fat Fuck is hunting down the perverts subscribed to his still-minor daughter's OnlyFans.

Strap in, we're not done yet.

Following the IP addresses of a few thots that both victims were subbed to, our totally not-retarded bioluminescent heroes arrived to a totally legit, everything's hunky dory, literal porn mansion. The owners of the Porn House claim ignorance, the Glowies sort of softball a few questions at one random chick, then left. No, the porn house has nothing to do with the case, and it's never brought up again.

Later on, the Glowies magically find out which of the porn thots is Old Fat Fuck's daughter. Through clever deduction of the big honking Not-Hogwarts emblem in the back of the room, they find the private school where Old Fat Fuck's Daughter was studying until Last Tuesday.

The headmistress of the school shills the girl as a cinnamon roll, too pure for this Earth, mentions the girl's mom died to Cancer, and just happens to have a photo of her homeroom, where the camera zooms in on the Girl and her Dorm Mother. This is important. Kind of. Not really, but they want you to think it is important.

Fast forward over some meaningless interpersonal Glowie drama, and our Federales stumbled into the dorm mother, who admits to being to blame for the whole shit show. See, the dorm mother, a Kween, has an abusive boyfriend (Guess the race) who lives off forcing her to have an Onlyfans.

Somehow, Old Fat Fuck's daughter has the amazing idea of whoring herself over the internet to save her Kween.

Showing a level of Basedness not often seen in this show, Boss Glowie arrests the dorm mother. She's never seen or mentioned again.

We're finally at the endgame. Reaching Old Fat Fuck's lair, we find out his wife didn't die of cancer, her neck got crushed by big, fat fuck hands. Why? We never find out.

Old Fat Fuck doesn't appreciate having glowing interlopers in his property without a warrant and, rather rudely, encouraged them to leave, beating the fucking daylight out of two of the agents before Glowie Leader impaled him with a pitchfork. Don't ask why the feds didn't shoot him.

With the case sort-of closed, the two remaining agents that didn't do jack shit the whole episode, Superhacker and Black Lesbian, meet with Old Fat Fuck's daughter. They explain to her that falsification of an ID is a federal crime and, realistically, she should go to jail. That's beside the whole "everything you post stays online forever" chat and the more-than-implied prostitution (she charged thousands of dollars to meet with her subscribers in private.) But after a little bit of woe is me... Superhacker and Black Lesbian let her off the hook, no strings attached! In fact, Superhacker tells The Girl she can just scrub all her stuff off the internet if she ever wants to quit.