Their Important Conclusion
In their last call, Zaion begged for them to consider a more professional approach to future commentary between the two sides. To this, NIJISANJI refused, stating they “needed to protect their brand.” Some of the allegations written are untrue or uncontextualized which negatively impacted Zaion’s character.
Zaion agrees with the decisions. She did make mistakes and agreed that separation was appropriate for both sides. I believe that there were a lot of things provided without proper context that negatively impacted her character.
In the end, Zaion wishes things could have gone differently. Some NIJISANJI members have spoken about Zaion’s termination and she wishes to avoid giving context on that here, as she does not wish to direct harassment towards anyone else. That aside, Zaion sees this as a huge learning experience and sincerely hopes everyone can move on from this chapter.
*******************************************************************************************
Zaion’s Personal Experience
I’d like to preface this by saying I DO NOT want any third parties to use what I’m about to reveal or twist my words in any way to damage the reputation of NIJISANJI or its Livers. This is simply Zaion’s first hand experience chronologically listed from the moment she was onboarded, to her final moments.
I want to ask everyone to put themselves in Zaion’s shoes for a moment in the present. As a content creator who has been doing this full-time for over a year (way before joining NIJISANJI), it's hard going about your day, supporting your friends on Twitter multiple times every single day, and reading their content as you used to. Then, when the suspensions and termination happen, you’re told you must obey the silencing contract. But, what this results in is suddenly being blocked or unfollowed by several people who you have considered to be your friends or who you've cared deeply for for a long time. People who knew her as a person, and still cared for her in return, are even harassed for caring for their friend.
Zaion became increasingly afraid of hurting the few friends she had left, and avoided many of them completely.
She still doesn’t know how some friends feel about her now.
She still lives in a constant fear of making everyone feel uncomfortable just by being around them.
Zaion was someone who was always incredibly excited to spend time with her friends IRL at cons, and would go out of her way to do so. The constant cycle of guilt and trauma drove Zaion to a very dark place and still does. There were people that she trusted and told her struggles to. Some understood, and some understood this as her gaslighting or guilting them, when she confided in them.
It’s true that most of them didn't really know Zaion as a person. But it's not fair that the simple way they knew her is now forcefully replaced by this storm of complicated and strong words that don't actually have "her" in them.
It goes without saying that the characters we play online aren't the full "us". You can't assume how bad someone feels, how sad they are, just because they play a happy character online. Just speaking for myself, what banner I'm under or what character I play never changed my own style.
I did read as much as I could about what everyone was saying, be it on YouTube news videos, various posts on Twitter, posts on my YouTube account, or yes, even DMs sent to my Twitter. I want to make it known that I read every Twitter DM, and just about every YouTube comment. After everything, Zaion felt like a failure. She felt like her dream, and who she was at her core, was now ruined because of this experience. She did desire to end her own life. But each and every kind message pulled her back from the brink. Without all of you, a person would no longer exist.
Some of her stories will be omitted for legal reasons. Please respect this.
August Interview: Asked about my current monthly income.
When I received the first email asking me to interview with NIJISANJI, I confirmed a time slot that they had already listed as an offer, and waited. However, I realized that the day of, that I still didn't have a link to the online interview call. (Their email had stated it would be with Microsoft Teams.) Exactly 4 minutes before I was meant to be on the call, I messaged them again to ask for the meeting link.
Then 2 minutes after the confirmed meeting time, they sent me a new email with the link.
The interview itself felt fine. There were two people on the call. It felt like they were asking questions based on the answers I gave, which made me feel like they were listening and did care about the person I was. There wasn't any information told to me regarding specifics of their company, like how they ran things differently from other VTuber or talent agencies. Things like: being unable to use my current social media or streaming accounts forever vs simply for a short amount of time, being unable to use any current game accounts or allowing certain ones, etc. None of that was included, it was a simple interview.
What was interesting, came at the very end though. I had mentioned that I previously had a job at a tech company. One of the interviewers, who hadn't said a single thing until then, asked me in Japanese, how much I used to make as an independent streamer. I told him how much from subscriptions, sponsorships, etc, and he responded: “mm”.
Then immediately following that, he asked how much I used to make at my tech job. I answered that I actually made less than I currently did as a streamer. He gave me the same "mm" and then said he had no further questions.
I thought, well, if they're gonna ask questions like that, then I'll ask one that I wasn't sure if I could ask. And I asked: "Do you guys have a monthly salary or minimum per month that you pay to your talents?"
That interviewer answered, "No, but I can tell you that if you sign under us that you'll make more than you're making right now." I'll never forget that. But at the time the compensation structure was not discussed.
Fast forward to the 21st of August. I made it through to the final interview with the CEO. This was the only time in the entire time I had been there, that I would get to even see his presence in my, or the talent's, vicinity, let alone speak with him.
He asked questions that I thought were very good and well thought out. Things such as "what kind of character do you want to play?" to which I answered, "I'm usually the anti-hero. I like saying things that make people laugh or surprise or shock them. I love getting reactions out of people."
He also asked how much I wished to act for my future character on stream. I said, "that depends on how much content the company and I end up expecting of myself. If I do shorter hours per day, then of course that makes it easier to keep up a persona further from myself. If I do longer hours like I'm used to doing however, then it would be easier if I was being more myself."
Again, nothing regarding how they ran the company or what they expected me to "give up" was mentioned.
October Prep: Debut song asked to be fully recorded before even hearing genmate’s voices.
Fast forward to October. They messaged me back saying that the debut song for my generation was ready. They requested that I record my lines and turn them in within a week. This would be our most important song, yet, at this point I had not even met my genmates or known what they sounded like.
I asked them to push the deadline back, because I would be gone at Twitchcon. The new due date turned out to be after I would hear my genmate's voices for the first time, but that was all the knowledge I'd have.
After I submitted my recordings, they messaged me back saying the producer said my recordings were no good due to some background noise, and that I would need to go to an actual studio to record my lines or "clean them up". So I asked a friend who dabbles in DJing as a hobby to clean up the same audio files for me, and submitted them again. At this point I received no more updates on the song, so I assumed they were fine.
November Debut Planning: Organizing and managing.
Around the end of October is when we were finally able to start planning for our debuts. I had experience debuting as a VTuber for my own activities, so I was familiar with all the elements needed and how to manage planning with all the different people I'd work with. Regarding the question of what was needed for the debut and subsequent streaming activities, the managers informed that "nothing is really required. It's up to you how much or how little you want to have for it."
I personally incurred the cost of planning a successful debut. Our lore was written by ourselves. I had to find people who had the skill sets needed for the graphics and animations myself, and pay for them myself. By the time we debuted, I was already hugely in the red, in order to plan and execute a debut befitting of a talent of such a big company.
Meeting the other NIJI EN Livers.
They were incredibly kind, considerate, and immediately included us and made us feel like one of them. I will never forget their kindness and how much effort they put into being there for us, and each other. Unfortunately things did change as time went on, but that was not until the very end.
December: Given a manager who was a 2-week-old hire.
For me, I see a manager as someone who helps us strategize and build upon our own style of content and character personality.
But that was far from what we got. The manager they assigned to manage our whole generation of 6, was someone who was a 2 week old hire. It was not the manager who trained us for the whole month of November with whom we developed a bond, nor the person who worked with us through the onboarding.
Anytime I had a call with our manager to discuss something, THEIR manager was also there. And it was pretty much just me asking him stuff while she sat there and nodded her head. If there was something I wished to do, or something I thought was worth fighting for, it felt like it wasn’t fought for. All I experienced was the expectation to bow your head down and not to question the system.
Debut Week 1: First Private Vod: Genshin PL Account
Here's where things started to fall apart. Just to double check, I asked my manager if I could use my Genshin account of nearly 3 years. This game was huge for me. I had a longstanding relationship with the game as a content creator, and it was a significant part of my career growth. I would stream that game multiple times each week on Twitch as an indie, and it was my comfort place.
Several other talents in the EN branch were also streaming while using game accounts they owned before joining the company. Even though the precedent was there, I was trying to see if there were any other rules they wished for me to follow. And my manager said:
View attachment 23630
And thus, I covered my ID and we had an incredibly fun stream. Most corporate streamers who play Genshin on stream are usually newer players who try it because their viewers wanted to, inexperienced players, or just doing it because of a sponsorship. So many fans expressed how enjoyable it was to see someone play who actually cared a lot about the game and played it seriously. It's an honor for me to represent that.
However, not long after the stream had concluded, I got another message from my manager:
View attachment 23631
Other livers are able to use their past accounts and I was not. I had a 2 year-old account I wished to use, and a lot of content planned for my future streams centered around it.
Having the stream VOD from that day privated also meant that I could no longer earn money from new views on it, and consequently stunted my growth analytics because–as one of my most successful streams–it was no longer visible content to the public in my debut week. Fans were asking me where that stream went. And I wasn't allowed to tell them what happened. Many people attacked me for using my old account which I had received permission to use, then had taken away, saying that it was “my fault for probably using it without permission.” My manager and their manager told me to tell people that it was like a "peek into my hard work of the past, and now I'll start something new together with my new fans". And that's the lie I painfully ran with.
I did my best to argue for the rights to use that Genshin account, saying that this was not the term I entered the company on. And that plenty of other talents in the company used, and still were using, their old accounts. I had a call with my manager and her manager, and they told me that the reason I couldn't use my old accounts now was “because they existed before Zaion LanZa did.” When I said I could not agree with that, we had a second call, and nothing changed. Finally, I told my genmates what was going on, asking them for help. Since some of them had past accounts, they were also under the impression they would be able to use them. We all had a group call with the two managers.
Once again, the narrative was changed. The managers said that they would consider past game accounts on a "per game basis", and approved of a game that my genmate wanted to use. When mine was brought up, they said "it's because [you were] an official Genshin content creator and that counts as a sponsorship. And you can't use accounts that were previously sponsored."
This expanded the scope of the matter beyond just my Genshin account. But first, I rejected that claim, because in the official rules for being an "official Genshin Impact Content Creator" explicitly states that it does NOT count as a sponsorship in any way. “Official Genshin content creators'' do not get paid for creating Genshin-related content. Also, in preparation for joining NIJISANJI, I purposely did not reapply for my position as an official Genshin content creator, and thus I hadn't been part of the program for 2 months.
Then, the managers said "but [you were] a pioneer for the game, so a lot of people know that account." This was yet another completely new argument from them. This normally would hold no weight, because no single Genshin account can be distinguished from another. Every account is able to get every character, every item, every outfit. Nothing is unique except for the user ID that could be hidden.
At this point, I had my suspicions about their real reason, and I gave up on arguing any further.
So, I moved onto my other game accounts, such as Alchemy Stars and Guardian Tales. Because I had been sponsored by those game's companies twice each, I greatly enjoyed working with them and we had a great working relationship. I relayed this to my managers, and they said because those accounts were sponsored at any time in their existence, I could not use them here. I felt like I was being punished for my past success. Prior to hearing this, I was under the impression that NIJISANJI would be happy to have someone who had been on good terms with several other companies whom they also worked with. Funnily enough, one of those Alchemy Stars sponsorship events was WITH two of their own EN talents who were now my senpais.
View attachment 23632
View attachment 23633
Debut Week 2: Reaching out for help in DMs to Managers and being suspended for it.
At this point I had messed up in several ways, including playing my genmate’s cover without realizing I couldn’t, showing a stranger’s face in a Twitter post on my stream by accident, etc. I was having a hard time not messing up, and I felt horrible about it. I suffer from clinical depression, and have been going a little while without meds at this point. At this point, I felt incredibly trapped, I felt like I couldn’t fit in, and my content wasn’t welcome (all my hard-work on gacha games from the perspective of an experienced/dedicated player); I felt like I was a failure.
So I reached out to the two people who had onboarded us at the start. They were not our direct managers, but they were people who I trusted and felt comfortable with. I DMed them stating how bad I felt that I kept making mistakes, that I didn’t know what to do (in order to continue being creative but not infringing on one rule or another). I DMed them saying I was sad, asking if there was anything that could be done about my Genshin account, and saying that overall I just felt uncomfortable.
And one of them responded. The person who trained us was someone I loved a lot, and it seemed like everyone did. She was kind enough to have a voice call with me, and talk through my feelings and issues, and even offered to try to fight for the Genshin account issue. That was enough for me. I knew that it was a difficult thing with a company that big, and I didn’t have any expectations past her just trying. I was incredibly grateful that I just had someone in the staff that I could speak to.
But we would never speak like that again. In a call between my manager and their manager, I was told of my New Years suspension, and that DMing a manager was one of the reasons I was being suspended. I felt hurt and shocked; even my genmates had said they’d DMed managers before. I hadn’t said anything that would hurt anyone or was a secret. But that was that.
New Years Suspension: Dec. 31st-Jan. 9th
Demanding a 2 week break so early into me being here was way too long and detrimental. Even as an indie the longest break I had taken was maybe 1.5 weeks. So during the call in which I was told of my forced suspension, I begged my manager’s manager, and asked if we could please reduce it to 1.5 weeks. He thought for a moment and said “can you really come to a serious decision within that time? [of whether or not I wanted to stay in NIJISANJI]” and I said “yes, because even before this call, I had already been thinking about this since debut.” I know he was trying to pressure me into agreeing to 2 weeks. But after working so hard on my own for over a year, I knew how breaks go. You get used to doing nothing and you get lazy. I wouldn’t let myself get into such a habit after all this struggle.
Finally, he acquiesced. At the end of the call, my manager's manager asked me what I'm going to tell my fans. This was asked in a manner that made me feel pressured to say, “Oh, I’m…just going to say that my family asked me to come on a last minute holiday trip.”
Because of what happened with a prior graduation in the company, I had already been told by my senpais that oftentimes suspensions would be disguised as “breaks” by the talents. Now, I understand why.
So the New Years countdown that I promised my fans, of course, could no longer happen. And I told them that "my family rarely does anything out of town so I had to go on this last minute trip." That I would be gone from the 30th and return on the 10th.
That never happened; I just stayed at home and tried to see if there were any IRL friends around who didn’t already go on vacation elsewhere or weren’t too busy.
At the same time, Haku, one of my two cats, 4 years old, was suffering from a liver disease that required me to feed him every few hours. So it would morbidly work out that I had the time to take care of him, however it was incredibly expensive and even now I’m still trying to pay off the incurred bills.
Upon returning I turned down the creative ideas a notch, in an attempt to reduce the risk of breaking any more rules. I only streamed games because I knew which had confirmed permissions for sure. No “Just Chatting” or creative streams, at least for a while. That was the plan and I stuck to it.
T/W: Pet death. February 7th: Haku’s Death+Ending.
I had been taking care of my cat, Haku, who had been suffering from liver disease for a month. He passed away the day after my indefinite suspension began.
I did not feel supported by my manager when I shared this information. The subsequent distress was compounded by the fact that staff had locked me out of all of my accounts. Forced to sit in all of this alone, this would be one of the most difficult times of my life.
Everything past this is history. There was a lot I enjoyed about being in NIJISANJI. There were a lot of people I looked up to, who I liked, who I trusted with all my heart. There were some really fun times.
But as much as I wanted to stay and with how hard I tried to do something different each time I messed up, I knew I wouldn’t be able to compact my style of entertainment into what they wanted without regrets.
I feel that I need to say that during my time there, I felt trapped, felt like a failure, and did not feel like staff cared about me as a person (or for my own creative style), as the managers I was forced to work with did not show an effort to understand me beyond the surface of our work relationship.
I am still incredibly grateful for the opportunity, I’m grateful for the friends I did get to make there, and I’m grateful that a place that had such history saw value in someone like me at all.
Thank you for reading. I’ve learned a lot from this, and hope we can close out this chapter here.
[Trigger Warning: Last picture with Haku below.]
docs.google.com
www.twitlonger.com
